9 April 2010


I confess: I don't say "Thank You" enough to people who do good to me. I don't care genuinely about people most of the time they tell me their problems. I do not care for a lot of noble causes I should care for. I let people down most of the time. I rarely express my true feelings about someone to this one (good or bad feelings alike). I let people get on my nerves. I cry almost every night before I sleep even if for 10 seconds at least. I make wrong choices every week at least one. I envy most of the people for what they have. I always want what I don't and CAN'T have. I love the wrong girl every time, and I can't and don't want to stop doing this. I let people get me down, and sometimes push me down. I never fight back, because I am very lazy to do so. I always draw my own road, and sometimes I know it's the wrong one. I hold a lot of people responsible for what is happening to me. I have hatred for myself filling all my heart that it sometimes comes out hurting other people. I have many acquaintances, very few True Friends. I lie at myself and others all the time. I know that I lost control over myself long time ago. I use others portraits and templates so I look normal to people. I lost my true identity long time ago. I KNOW that whatever said, whoever said it, however s/he said it, NO ONE understands a simple portion of my personality and needs. and that's killing me. I really become pure happy when people get married and there is this ONE true second that I realize that these people sitting on the (kosha) together chose each other to continue living together forever. Tarek Mohamed El-Tabey. April 9th, 2010

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