The best part of Falling 2

Now after taking THAT Pause we have to reconsider what we are in, Dirt from falling ( a whole bunch of negative emotions), Hurt (sometimes we may fall due to bad people who we thought they were good and we mistake them)...

but any way i just want to focus that the scene is a little bit nasty.. every one may even look at us as we are pathetic and losers, and we are starting to look ourselves into this way..that is Fe3lan A Fall..

But as long as you are imagining this with me, try to imagine the light from far away, the light of dawn that comes right after the darkest hour of the night.

Try to imagine Standing Up.. cleaning up the dirt.. healing the wounds.. and Start Over Again..

whether  you like it or not, life DOES NOT stop, no one will wait for you, yes may be some honest and devoted friends will just wait for you to call them (while they are advancing in their own life) and tell them to come and Help You Up..

you know what do I think?, You are Already strong enough to left your self up..

you already know what was before you (the events that brought you here), you already know where are you now, all you have to do is to come up with brilliant ideas of how you can move Forward, come up with a plan of you life ahead..

see if you got things wrong before because of something you should have done and you didn't, now see what is Missing? and Add it with you, you didn't know where to go before?, Ok i think this is a good chance for you to Decide where do you want to go..

A clear, new and perfect chance of starting over has been giving to you.. start benefitting of it.

That is the best part, Rising Up Again.. proving to all after yourself that you are not a failure, not a loser and most importantly......That YOU are NOT a Quitter, or else you would be lying on the ground waiting to Die..

Just prove that you are a human, that gets hurt, gets tired and gets fed up of everything..but.. no regrets for the past, no complaints about the present and NO MORE DELAYS for the bright future that awaits for you.

The best part of Falling 1

I knew recently that most people do not know how to fall right..

I mean Falling it self is a very beautiful experience where you can actually just sit down on the ground and just.......wonder, wonder "what happened?", wonder "how foolish was I" and wonder the most important insight ever "What Brought Me Here??" ..

Yes, you are here for a continuous chain of events, absolutely perfectly organized (some times in chaotic order but still in one pattern) just events were done to get you Just Right Where you are NOW..

Once you get this in mind, a privilege is given to you, a privilege of a Pause.. you are now entitled for a little pause in your life to consider all the data has been given to you and reprocess them very carefully, after all these events got you here, you have to give them some credits..

Now here comes the dilemma, some people just think that since they Fell they have the privilege of staying down and weeping all day long about how their clothes has gotten dirty and how they are hurt of falling and now we can just stay down and Cry..

Absolutely foolishness to think of that.. the dilemma is that some people here (after taking the right amount of Pause thinking of that chain of events) some people just are in a cross road, they can think that they can just sit down and cry to death.......

OR they can SEE and Feel  the "the best part of falling"..

now here comes the very logical question..tarek we all been there before and fell down before now we know what are you talking about except"what the hell is that best part of falling?"

falling is even bad event so there are no Good things in falling, how possibly that a fall can have Best part?"

and the answer of this questions regretfully cannot be understood with a thinking like that so first i have to answer a better question.. "what is a Pause and how we could benefit from it?"

Remember the privilege ? remember why we have to reprocess the events that lead you to this fall, because actually that events was chosen and done by YOU.. you could have chosen a different path where possibly (Allah only knows) had no falls in it, but yet you have chosen this exact path which eventually lead you to a FALL..

So are you mistaken? are you wrong? Actually quite the opposite..

YOU couldn't have possibly chosen a better path, why do I always say "live life with no regrets"because logically at the time of you making the decision in every single event that happened in the past, you simply have chosen the Perfect Decision in you point of view back then, For Ex. if you are passing the street, do you imagine that you will wait till you find a good spot to pass or  you will pas while cars are going fast so you can get hit, no you waited and crossed safely, same (but of course little more complicated)goes for your rest of decisions.. You with your knowledge back then, with experience and though did what you best could do, but after all you are more aware now, and you have to take the responsibility for all of you actions and decisions in these past events that lead you here..

you have to sit down and think of that and what else you could choose or may be you just neglected you feeling little bit and you knew that there is better decision but you choose something else.. All is matter is that you have the privilege now not to sit down and cry, no but to think of what brought you here, what path you have taken and to NOT punish yourself for falling.."ما أخطأك لم يكن ليصيبك و ما اصابك لم يكن ليخطئك".. that's the rule..

saying that, I also have to say that both the Pause and the Privilege has limited time..

so you really need to be quick and focus on seeing "the best part of falling"..

Another sense of happiness

It feels kinda good when you are not skipping your job to stay at home.. No, actually you have days off and you enjoy them staying at home playing your favorite games, eating your favorite foods.

No studying or exams nearby to disturb each and every minute of your life, No BiG responsibilities yet except for yourself not any one else...

 Recently after the Post "Playing Solo" I decided something, I kinda know that I may contradict with my self and do otherwise later, but i decided to limit my life circles alittle, or to limit my focus groups... 

1-Career: that's what I do now, what I will do and what will help me in both (courses, skills....etc).

2-Tarek as a life: trying new stuff (for example every one said that costa better than cilantro, now i can really enjoy talking about both cuz I ACTUALLY went to both) before i was just listening and telling my self u can contribute in this conversation...By the way costa cappucino isn't that good...

YES I will go out, I will spend all of my salary, I will try to be diffrent in some aspects...

ALL of that, this decision this new .....LIFE.....makes me feel happy, makes me feel delighted..

This makes me feel Free....we 3ala ra2y 3ammena William Wallas.. FREEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOM... :D

let's go OUT

فى محاولتى الدائمة لمعرفة ما اريده بالتحديد.. شعرت برغبة قوية فى الخروج..الخروج من اين من المدينة المليئة بالأفكار المتناقضة والاراء المتعارضة. المليئة بالقرارات المتسرعة والاختيارات المتعددة ..أريد أن أخرج من راسي ومن تفكيري ...
لقد نجحت فى السنين الماضية فى تكوين طارق التابعي خارجيا اما بالنسبة للداخل فهو كالكائن المشوه الذى لم تظهر ملامحه بعد اما بسبب تشويه حدث له من قبل او ببساطه بسبب انه ليس جاهز لان يكون كاملا بعد...
لقد نجحت فى تكوين اكثر من دور العبه..فانا العب دور الضعيف المحتاج لشخص يحكي له عن الامه واماله...همومه وافراحه...وفى نفس الوقت دور القوي الوحيد المعتمد على نفسه الغير راغب فى مساعدة الاخرين له والذي يبعدهم عنه بملء ارادته...
اريد الخروج والتفكير من بعد آخر ...بُعدٌ لا ارى فيه نتائج تفكيرى بُعٌد اتصرف فيه بعفوية بريئة...
اريد الا اكون هنا....أريد ان اشعر بفرحي وحزنى .. اريد ان اتنفس واحس بالحياة...
اريد الااقلق بعد الان..........
اشعر دائما عندما ادرك مااريد انى اطلب ابسط الاشياء فلم اطلب ابدا شيئا مستحيلا او صعبا اوكثيرا دائما ارضى بالقليل....فهل ماأطلبه كثير هذه المرة اعتقد انه بسيط نسبيا ولكن فى حين الوقت صعب التحقيق.......
اريد ان اكون انا...اريد ان اكون انا ولو للحظات فأتذوق معنى الهويّة واتذوق معنى الحياة واتذوق معنى من انا....

Playing Solo!!!!

Hey, my name is Tarek Mohamed E-Tabey, was born in imbaba, raised in Sharm el-Shiekh..

I used to be the first on class (alone) till someone said once that you only get high grades cuz ur mother working in the same school... Now That pissed me off, I focused my mind else where other than getting high grades and i wanted to achieve some reputation as a COOL guy in prep school...task done (alone)... high school came wanted to experience love and other stuff, been there tried that.. the thing is I DID ALL THAT ALONE,

4our damn years in university alone, sick, hungry thirst whatever alone no one to care no one to ask. and I hell yeah graduated good grads all alone....no body alive helped me, all this time Allah was watching over me, then the lost souls of my ever-changing personality and then ME, alone...

U see?I Actually get things done when i'm all alone,,,then let it fu**en be,,from here F**en on, i will work solo, achieving dreams for me, reaching greatness for me.

 sharing life? sorry not available at the moment, Tarek El-Tabey shall rise again above the insufferable pains of love and hate and these weak bonds that ties every one togeather...

No Girls Allowed

you know what i hate most, when i NEED some one it's the straight exact meaning  for the word (WEAK) i hate being weak.

I mean i walk in streets or in work i find girls and say, tarek eventually u're going to get married u're muslim youngman after all, so aren't u going to look for some one..

okey start searching, now how would u like ur future wife to be like? oh damn like i have nothing to do except thinking of that,,,,

Do u have any idea what i shall do now in my life?

I should Study HR, i should read more and educate my self, i should focus on my job, i should damn get back to how i was when i started the way of allah....AND here i am still thinking of girls..

that's what i hate about love, it's so.......ATTACHING me to someone else, i mean yeah it's good and romantic and so, but it's kinda hard and heart breaking thing, so i've just came up my mind, yeah tha's me fast and irrational decisions,,,,FROM HERE ON I WILL PLAY SOLO!!!

Afraid 2 Lose

Now, since I finally graduated I'm facing tremendous decisions to take, some of them are crucial and others are day-to-day ones.

-Wants to get a job, what job, where and when, how much is the salary, good environment or not? For one like methe problem that I like every thing and I can cope with anything, most pple see that as an advantage, but here comes the main problem, I'm AFRAID TO LOSE, to lose what? every thing.

I'm afraid that I accept a job and do very good at it but then I lose my control over my goals because it doesn't cope with my goals.

-Wants to marry? REALLY??!!! Yeah, after all I'm a muslim youngman, right? it's been four years since I've trully and ACTUALLY been in love with someone from the opposite sex, and I guess this is the right time to handle such thing,but here it comes the main prob. Afraid to lose control, I love waking up in the morning don't have anything to decide, Speaking about marriage means speaking for choosing the perfect one for you, and WOW if u found her, afraid to approach afraid to lose if she was a colleague.

You're even afraid that you may not be ready for such decision...

What is the solution????????????????!!!!!!!!

TRY TO GET RID OF YOUR FEARS AND BREAK THROUGH THEM, and pray to Allah subhanahu wata3alla to make your decisions right and good...

The Code

الموضوع بدأ من ساعة ماكنت فى منطقة التجنيد بالزقازيق وفى راجل رتبة بس معرفش ايه بيكلمنا عن شوية اجراءات وبتاع وبيحذر من ان لما عسكري يجى مثلا يقولنا وسعو مش المفروض نعمل كان العسكرى عنده جرب عشان -اقتبس- :"دى البدلة دى ((شرف))" عايز اقولكو انا معرفش عن اللى حواليا بس انا ارتجفت لما قال كده، الراجل قالها بثقة لامتناهية.. ومن ساعتها ركزت اوى فى الكود المكتوب فى كل حتة هناك (الواجب-الشرف-الأمانة)فعلا لقيت انهم اختارو 3 قيم ممكن فعلا الواحد يمحور حياته حواليهم بصراحه انا لحد دلوقتى مفكرتش غير فى القيم دى كقيم عند اتخاذ القرارات المناسبة للافعال المناسبة.....

لقيت ان مثلا الواجب ده بنشوف بيه اللى -المفروض او لازم- يتعمل ودى شوية فيها كفاءة مش فاعلية بس عادي

الشرف فيه الفخر والثقة وحب اللى احنا بنعمله بعد ماتاكدنا انه اكتر شئ صحيح وواجب عمله دلوقتى

الأمانه بالنسبة لى هى الاتقان هى مراقبة الله فى العمل هى عدم التهاون والحرص ان العمل يتم بأحسن صورة ممكنة

وانا الحمد لله بقى فاتنى شرف الانضمام للقوات المصرية المسلحة وفاتنى الاستمتاع بالتطبيق العملي للقيم والمبادئ دى بس ان شاء الله احاول امشي بيها فى الحياة العملية بالاختيار مش بالغصب......

شكرا لكل اللى دعولى واتمنو لى الخير وبرضه للى معملش كده...

جزاكم الله خيرا وبحبكم فى الله

Theory of the Masks (intro)

الصورة دى ممكن تكون بتفكر ناس كتيرة بالمسرح,

بس انا

عمرى ماقتنعت بكده, دائما مقتنع

انها بتمثل الحياة..

ممكن المعنيين صح...فى الاول والاخر الحياة الا مسرح كبير..

مرة حزن وبكاء ومرة تانية فرح وسعادة..

بس فى اكتر من كده كمان فى الحياة..فى سؤال..

انا مين؟ هو انا انا عشان بقول على نفسي انى انا؟

ولا انا اللى بظهر للناس انه انا؟

انا مين؟ انا ملامح وجهى؟ ولا صوتى؟ ولا نظرتى للناس؟

انا مين؟ انا احلامى ولا امالى ولا اللى انا بقرره لنفسي؟

مرة واحد كان بيعطى دورة تدريبية انا فيها سألنى انت عندك كام سنة, قلت له 18,

قال للناس كلهم اهو ده محتاج 18 سنة كمان عشان -"فعلًا" يعرف هو مين...

انا كتبت الموضوع ده عشان بدأت احس بنظرية الاقنعه..

بالنسبة لى النظرية دى ان الناس فى محاولة بحثهم عن نفسهم بيلبسو الاقنعة دى,

الاقنعة دى بتبقى فى صور مختلفة منهم قناع دايما يضحك عشان يخبى البكاء اللى جواه

ممكن واحد منهم بيظهر البلاهه والسذاجه مع انه مش كده خالص

وممكن بكل بساطة يبقى قناع جامد مش شرط عكس الشخصية الحقيقية لكن لأسباب ما... هدفه الوحيد يخفى الشخصية الحقيقية عن العيان..

الاسباب؟؟؟؟؟ كتيرة اوى ومقدرش احصرها

وبصراحه انا بحترم الناس اللى لابسه اقنعه دول كفاية لدرجة انى مش عايز ابدأ احلل فى اسبابهم..

لكن انا ممكن اتكلم عن اسبابى.

اه ...مانا التانى لابس قناع..

دمتم فى خير الى ان القاكم بالأسباب

4our Years Now

مضت أربع سنين بهذه السرعه؟مازلت أتذكر نسيم البحر و الهواء الدافئ الجاف والرمال ونظرة أصدقائي ونحن لانقوى على التفكير انا سنترك بعض من أجل جامعه بسبب عدم وجود جامعه فى الشرم..على ما أظن لم نودع بعض, كيف هذا وقد مضت 10 سنين او ماشابه ونحن اصدقاء... لم نودع بعض ولم نحزن كفاية انشغلنا فى حياة الجامعه عسى ان تنسينا فرقة الصحبة فى الثانوية والدليل انى الآن بعد اربع سنين يصيبني الحنين..الحنين للسماء الزرقاء نهاراً والسوداء مضيئة بالنجوم بالليل (اه كنا بنشوف النجوم فى الشرم عشان مفيش عمارات طويلة زى هنا) الحنين للجلوس والتفكر أمام البحر..الحنين لمن فارقتهم وفارقوني..لقد تركنا بعض من أجل الجامعه فلولا عدم وجود جامعه فى الشرم لكنا كلنا لم نرحل عنها الآن ولكن هل هذا يعنى أنى سأعود مرة ثانية..هل هذا يعنى أنهم سيعودون...هل سأجد نفس الرمال عندما أعود هل ستنتظرنى...لقد انغمست فى الجامعه حتى أنسى ماكان فى الشرم لقد بحثت عن شتى أنواع الجمال حتى انسى جمالها..وهل نسيت..وهل وجدت جمالا يزيد عنها..وان وجدت هل أحبتته مثلا ما أحببتها..واذا كان أصل الجمال والحب فى الشرم فماذا كنت فاعل هنا..أخدع نفسي بأوهام وآمال أم هى حقائق لاأستطيع تحقيقها بسبب خوفى وجبني.. ماهى الحياة التى بنيتها هنا .أهى شخصية أخرى تساعدني على الصمود أمام الذكريات المؤلمة اذن فهل هذه شخصيتى أم انتهت مع الاربع سنين..لما لم أودعها عندها لما تركت نفسي أرحل . لكي آتى اليوم وأقول أربع سنين انتهت فما العمل؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟

LET GO

Some one is holding me very tight, choking me, Ijust can't breathe anymore. I want to talk, express and love I want to regret for the past life for things i've done wrong fro thing i've no done and most important for things i've not said......I would like to go somewhere else I would like to leave, I w ould like to sitdown and SHOUT with all i can and say STOP HURTING INSIDE......what is it that in me, is it a monster or a devil soul....it's just burning and all i feel now is fire eating inside and every thing external happens just add some leaves to this fire,,,, and Here I am living by fire and deriven by fire is that means i'm a demon...............i wanna leave i wanna go.... I have to LET GO !!!

خواطر مصدوم 2

ايوه اصل الحوار عجبنى ثانيا كنت دايما احب اشوف فى الجريدة ان الكاتب عامل قصته على أجزاء بس كنت دايما اتخنق منه عشان عارف ان فى ناس ساعات بتوفتهم اعداد وانا بكره اتابع مسلسل وافوتنى حلقة منه...المهم انا وانا بكتب مصدوم دلوقتى قلت ازاى مصدوم وهكتب بعقلى هقولكم.... انا لسه فى فترة الصدمة من الموضوع اياه ( اللى مش هقولكم عليه) واللى من ساعتها عمال اتفكر فى اللى بيحصل لى فى كل خطوة من حياتى....صديقة قريب بتقول لى لازم تعبر عن الغضب والحزن اللى جواك ماينفعش تكبر وتنفض للمشاعر دى والا هتتراكم عندك.... انا موافق، موافق اغضب موافق افتكر الشخص اياه اللى غرس سكين خيانته فى قلبى بعد ماعترف لى بمشاعر واتضح انه كذاب وممكن افتكر نفسي وانا بضيع على نفسي فرص كتير انى الاقى الشخص اللى اكمل معاه طول عمرى وممكن افتكر الصديق اللى مش عارف يبقى صديق واتضايق من مدى الغبااااااااااء اللى اصبح حولى............موافق افتكر آدم ابن اخويا وهو بيضحك.. او وهو بيضربنى ضربة صغيرة على وشي وبعدين ( عشان عارف انه عمل حاجة غلط) يبوسنى مكان ماضربنى.. او وهو بيلعب لوحده ومدى الدروس اللى بيتعلمها من وقعة بسيطة وتشوفوه مدى الحكمة وهو بيدرك....ايوه هى دى المشكلة الادراك انا اقدر ادرك المواضيع ازاى المشكلة عندنا بتكمن دائما هنا انا ممكن افتكر ايه وممكن مافتكرش ايه..انا اللى بحدد انا عايز أحزن ولا مخليش اى حاجة تأثر على سعادتى.. انا اللى ببص على الموضوع زى مانا عايز طبعا بعد معونة من الله وتوفيق عشان ببقى عامل زى العبيط اللى بيتذاكى لو ربنا مش موفقنى..هبطل كلام وممكن انفض للتفكير بس مش هبطل احساس وطول مافى احساس هيبقى فى خواطر......

"Easier to Run" By Linkin Park

It's easier to run

Replacing this pain with something numb

It's so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here all alone

Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past

Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have

Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back

And never moving forward so there'd never be a past

If I could change I would take back the pain I would

Retrace every wrong move that I made I would

If I could stand up and take the blame I would

If I could take all the shame to the grave I would

If I could change I would take back the pain I would

Retrace every wrong move that I made I would

If I could stand up and take the blame I would

I would take all my shame to the grave

خواطر مصدوم

هو انا هبقى بكذب لو قلت انى فاهم الحياة عشان الحياة أثبتت لى مؤخرا انها مليئة بالتعقيدات..من يومين بتبتسم وبتقولى ابتسم اول مابتسمت كشرت فى وشي.......هتقولو ايه اللى انا كاتبه ده؟ ولا عندى اى فكرة.... بس اللى أعرفه واللى اتعلمته من الدروس القاسية بتاعت الحياة انها بتوجع واحسن حل لما تجيلك مشكلة فى الحياة تستنى شوية وتهدا كده وتشرب كوباية نسكافيه باللبن محترمة وتقعد تعيد الامور فى دماغك.. عشان هتلاقى فى جوانب كتيرة اوى فى الموضوع هتلاقى اصحاب بيطعنوك فى ظهرك ولو مش بحاجة تأذيك لكن على الاقل بيخونو سرك ( والدرس هنا انك تختار اللى بتقول له على سرك مش اى واحد يبقى مستعد يحمل سرك يبقى قد المسئولية)هتلاقى ناس افتكرت انك فاهمهم ومشيت على اساس فهمك معاهم تلاقى نفسك بتتخبط فى الحيطة اللى غباءك عملها لما فهمتهم غلط ( وهنا لازم ماتحطش ثوابت للمعلومات اللى انت بتفترضها بما انك بتفترضها) ومن الاخر حاجات تقيلة وكتيرة بس المهم ان صاحبكم اللى دائما عامل نفسه فيلسوف وقع حتة دين وقعه فى ظل افتراضاته الخاطئة المليئة بالنوايا الحسنة...

Moments with Darkness

أجدني أشتاق إلى الظلام و الجلوس فيه وحدي

وألاّ يسمع أحد حزني ولا ألمي

هادئ صامت يحتضنني أم يعصرني؟

فَفِيهِ أتذكرُ كيفَ هو قلبي

وكيفَ هي الدنيا بلا دينٍ ولاخُلُقِ

أتذكر الحزن .....وماهو الحزن؟

أهو ضيق أم همٌ أم فقط شعورٌ يعذبني؟

أهو فراق شخصٍ من أم وجوده في قلبي؟

أهو التفكير بتمعنٍ أم عدمُ التفكيرِ في شئِ؟

أهو حبُ كلُ شخصٍ أم الخوضُ في البُغضِ؟

أهو حالة بشرية تمضي مع الوقتِ؟

أم واجبٌ عليّ ألاّ أدعهُ يأتي؟

أنبئني ياقلبي.. ها أنا جالس لك وحدي

أفلا تـنبّـئني بما يدور في صدري؟

أفستتركني وحدي؟

لابأسَ إذًا فأنا مع الظلامِ جالسٌ فيهِ وحدي

Allah created me

I didn't know what I wanted to write may be because I'm already saying what is deep inside me these days to every one I meet.......but I knew that there is may be some thing or two i forgot to talk about deep inside so I thought that I should share it with u my diary. I'm a Human.......yeah i kinda realised that recently... and I also noticed that i'm Allah's creature....Allah created me, gave me potentials, power, wisdom, skills and built-in guidance system. I always say that Allah granted us with such a powerful tool, a tool is ignored or not being seen as such a useful tool, that tool is the wisdom to know the difference, the difference between good and bad, right and wrong, useful and harmful. Although we may notice that tool, we may confuse while using it cuz we didn't specify and clarify the very basic reference for our lives. For every action in our lives must be refered to the deep values and principles we live for, so in order to have full control that allah granted us we have to: 1- Define who Am I? values and principles. 2- Define what You want? goals, vision and mission. Make THAT your code in life....to achieve THAT goal , to be there in THAT vision walking to there knowing your values and principles not breaking them or avoiding them.....In my Point of View i see it as a recipe for a good life, Why? cuz it's the life u want with out breaking any rules........and what about the problems facing u?......that will be our next discussion so i can find some thing to start with.